The most complex search algorithm ever

Before you start reading this one, let me warn you that it is a useless post, you’re going to end up wasting a few minutes of your ‘leisure time’ in reading through .

This is a ‘real fiction’ story of an IT engineer(if not every IT engineer’s story ). It’s funny we choose to call him an IT engineer, as he is more of a branch-less engineer, just as most of the engineers are. My sincere apologies to the ‘purist’ engineers, but really, where are you guys ? So this IT engineer guy, let’s call him Mr. A, considers himself to be a person with a refined taste. Most of his friends agree that he does indeed have good taste, some of them even rely on him to make choices for them. He’s very particular about what he wants, and even more particular about what he doesn’t want! Mr. A is looking for the perfect girl to enter his life and he looks and scans everywhere for her. He’s been searching for this girl for so long that FB has come out with a new relationship status for him; ‘Looking’! The reason, Mr. A has apparently set the threshold level a little too high, they say . Anyway, so here’s how the search takes place!

 

Stage 1: You look for a ‘suitable’ girl from the sample space. Most get filtered out as your target population happens to be very limited. Then one fine day, you do find a girl who could be ‘the one’. You move quickly as you seek to gather primary data, secondary data and any other kind of useful information about her. You analyze the collected info. Presence of foul data pushes the girl onto the suspense directory and eventually towards deletion. If the data is clean, you go ahead and ask her out for a coffee date. While on a coffee date, you form a first impression of the girl on the basis of several ‘relevant’ parameters, a basis for further action. If you don’t enjoy her company, the girl doesn’t get asked for a second date, gets pushed to the suspense directory and gets deleted. Approx 90% times, the girl doesn’t get asked for a second date and gets eliminated at Stage 1. That is, 90% of the time you end up at Ground Zero! You start parallel processing, to speed up the search process. Needless to say, 10% go through.

Stage 2: You ask the girl out for a second coffee date, and a third, fourth as required. You hope that the girl would put her guard down and you will be able to confirm or change your first impressions about the girl. Whichever way, you end up forming harder opinions about her. And then you review the arrangement and check if you still like her just as much or maybe more/less. This feasibility study allows you to gauge whether to date her on the regular or not. If you decide not to, need I reiterate, she gets deleted and you end up at Ground Zero! Again, 80-90% times you find yourself sitting happily at Ground Zero, having deleted the gal. Feels like a second home?

Stage 3: A girl who reaches this stage is definitely amongst the top 2%ile of the population . You are happy that things seem to be working out. You start to go out on the regular and treat her really well. You try and understand her as a person. You make note of little things that are otherwise completely redundant to you . You try and do the right things, things that make her feel good. You, my friend, have probably gone insane and blind. Trust your friends to tell you more . More often than not, they do. And you run a few sanity checks on yourself before proceeding to check application compatibility with the OS . I have no data for this stage so I will take assumptions. There could be 2 results, the application might be compatible or be incompatible, hence a 50% chance of finding yourself at your second home! If the probabilities work against you and you find yourself back at Ground Zero, start decorating it and buy some groceries, because next time it won’t be so long before you visit the place again .

Stage 4: If you have managed to reach this stage, undeniably feel lucky . Not many manage to come this far. You have really connected well with the gal and are ready to move ahead together. It’s time for integration of the application into the processing system. You check for application compatibility with the machine. If incompatible, you try to prepare the application for compatibility with the system by providing it data feed from your massive machine based database. You use closed loop feedback systems to achieve this goal. You repeat the process until the application becomes machine ready. Ideally, there is 0% chance of returning to your second home; but that is only due to human will .

Stage 5: The smallest of all stages, you perform system integration, which could be tricky sometimes, but you manage to complete the task. The search process ends for you here. Please do not forget to delete the suspense directory and the historical database including reference data .

If you are really particular about the kind of girl that you want, start considering Ground Zero as your home turf. As you sit back and relax at your new found home, you listen to this song and really connect with the lyrics .

I’m seriously bored now!

 

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